the ABC's of me...

A- Age of my first kiss:
15?

B- Band I am listening to right now:
no band - just football

C- Crush:
yum- grape crush is YUMMY ;o)

D- Dads name:
Richard... and Michael (no, they're not gay - one's step, one's bio)

E- Easiest person to talk to:
myself

F- Favorite ice cream:
Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia

G- Gummy bears or gummy worms:
Bears

H- Hometown:
Spanaway

I- Instruments:
B-flat and bass clarinet

J- Junior High:
Frontier Jr. High

K- Kids:
NO WAY (well... does my husband count?)

L-Love:
God

M- Moms name:
Beverly

N- Nickname:
Jess

O- One wish:
unconditional acceptance

P- Phobia(s):
grates/manholes/other holes in the ground

Q- Quote:
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn

R- Reason to smile:
forgiveness

S- Song I sang last:
I will do anything for love... but i won't do that

T- Time I woke up today:
9am -ish

U- Unknown fact about me:
i don't know... if it's unknown, it's that way for a reason

V- Vegetable:
mmm.. greens are SO yummy!

W- Worst habit:
paranoia that everyone hates me

X- Xrays:
the only non-dental xrays i can remember was my soph. year of college when they thought I had pneumonia (it was only bronchitis)

Y- Years since ive been to church:
i was there a few days ago!

Z- Zodiac Sign:
capricorn

Let's take a moment

I have to wonder why silences are always so awkward. Why is it so hard for a group of people to stop talking for a few moments without someone saying something just to end the silence? It has occured to me that we are a society viod of silence - nearly void of thought. Think about your day? If you're not working, going to school, taking care of your home, then what are you doing? Going to the movies, or shopping or out to eat or watching TV or listening to the radio. How much time do you spending THINKING? About anything, really? There are so many things to keep our mind busy that I notice I rarely take time to be silent with my thoughts. Am I the only one? Who knows? It's just a thought....

Welll... that's it, I guess.

Ciao!

HOORAY!!!!!!

I FINALLY found the BEST BOOK EVER!!!! Okay...l let me explain. When I was younger, despite being an only child, I was not very spoiled. The only place I got really really spoiled was at my Great Grandma P's house. As soon as I would get there, she would start shoving candy in my face... usually it began with black licorice chewing gum, then some random sweets until dinner (usually her yummy spaghetti) followed by ice cream. Then we'd do some gardening before the sun set. As soon as it got dark enough we would sit out on the front porch and eat dreamcicles (spelling?) while looking at the stars and talking about anything and everything. Then we'd play a game or something and then got ready for bed. And then we'd crawl into bed and drink a can of 7-up with a bendy straw while she read to me. I had two favorite books - one was about a little cereal character that threw a b-day party for a kid (i'm so sad i have NO idea what the name of the book is), and the other was Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree. Well, I don't know where it went, but I wanted another copy of that book SO bad and I looked everywhere... for a long time. Finallly last night I found it! For $3.10 even!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited! It's been seventeen years since Grandma P passed and I am just happier than happy to have that book again! Let me see if I can find a picture:
http://muppets.scarecroe.com/images/book_cookietree.jpg

So... what are your favorite childhood memories?

Ciao!

what is beautiful?

I was listening to the radio this morning and one of the hosts of a morning show said something about it being a beautiful Thursday morning when he was immediately interrupted and told that it was, in fact, NOT a beautiful day - "do you see any sun out there?" was her scold. My thought was this: what makes a day beautiful? Because to me, today - with all it's rain and clouds - has a calming, serene, cleansing quality about it. It makes me happy - and I think it's beautiful. So many people see this as gloom. I am the person who wakes up on a late June morning and wants to cry because instead of the cloudy rainy sky I see bright sunshine and know that I will spend the next three months fighting the relentless heat of the sun.
So, what makes a day beautiful? Well, you know the perfect little Sunday-school answer to that. But REALLY - what makes a day beautiful? Is it the weather? Perhaps a good friend? A bonus on your paycheck? A short work day? No homework? A relaxing day in the city? A refreshing adventure in nature?
For me, a nice crisp Autumn day...meeting a good friend for breakfast, then taking a trip downtown by myself. Roaming the expanse of Central library searching for some elusive knowledge, then relaxing with yummy coffee and maybe a bread bowl full of steaming deliciousness and of course a couple of good books. Watching people scurry by the window braced against the biting wind. Listening to the conversations at table nearby and imagining the lifes of others. Enjoying the art on the walls... Ah... just thinking about that makes me very.... content.
But what if I am never again able to experience that? Would there be any hope of a beautiful day then? Is there any way for me to make those horridly HOT summer days "beautiful?" Or for the normal person to make gloomy winter days beautiful? Perhaps it's not the weather we need to look to, but ourselves. Yeah, that's it. Am I going to make today a beautiful day? I think so.

Jessica Needs... Jessica Wants

So I did it - I googled my name w/needs and wants and here are some of the results:


Jessica needs to increase her income

Jessica needs to compete with the big boys

Jessica needs an adoptive family that is very structured

jessica needs to keep her mouth shut

Jessica Needs Cash

Jessica needs a better man (I WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE TO DISAGREE)

Jessica wants to know

Jessica wants you to finish and go away

10 years in the life of.... ME!!!

I have been perusing some other blogs around here, and was intrigued by some posts regarding the last 10 years of life. It is so different for so many people - even people who are seemingly very similar. So... for your viewing (dis)pleasure, I present to you: 10 years in the life of ME!

Today: Portland, Oregon. Tiny apartment in the ghetto. Driving an old but dependable Toyota. Waiting every day for the call that will finally put me in the classroom (substitute teaching) and trying to support my dear husband through school, work and ministry. Oh, and starting my Arbonne Business

Last month: tentatively jumping (is that possible, you ask? why yes, it is!) into activity at Church... putting aside all (most) apprehension and shy tendencies to emerce myself into a more active state of faith. Driving the Toy. Living in the ghetto apartment

Last summer: Finishing student teaching, graduating college, moving out of the dorms and into my very own tiny ghetto apartment, planning a wedding, spending a lot of time alone. Then, getting married and setting up the apartment for two.

Last year: Drowning in school work, pre-student teaching and other Teacher Ed obligations. Spent the summer building fences with an all-male, all-mexican crew 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. Driving an old toyota. Living is someone's camper trailer and Cascade dorms, alternately.

5 years ago: Hmm, let's see ... that would be 2000. I was a Jr/Sr in high school. That was a busy year. Between advanced biology, english and lit classes, band activities (football games, contests, concerts, parades, band trips, etc.), working towards my black belt in tae kwon do, youth group activities (classes, lectures, youth rallies, community service), working 5 days a week (and taking a couple of college courses through work) and trying to maintain my first long-term relationship - I consumed TONS and TONS and OODLES and GOBS of caffiene! It was a busy year. And I loved it, for the most part. I was planning on going to a college that was far far away from home, though. That didn't work out too well. God had something else planned. Oh, yeah - and i was driving a lovely old Toyota.

10 years ago: 1995. HA! This was a strange year for me. Not surprising, as it WAS jr. high. I actually had a GREAT year... in that it was fun for me. I was kind of mean, though. That was my one really "teenage" year. For the most part I was a wonderful teenager. But that year I had my little group of friends and that was it. We weren't the really popular kids, but we were the only "cool" kids in all the honors classes. And we knew it. And flaunted it. Oddly enough, I probably learned more that year (even though I totally skipped out on SO much because I was too cool for school) than any other year. At home, though, I was finally beginning to almost appreciate my step-dad for the first time and was establishing some really great friendships with kids at church... I sure am thankful for those now!!!


El Fin`

I would like to thank you for humoring me here - that was fun. Makes me really appreciate my journey to where I am currently.

Check it out!!!

This is very funny to me!!!!

typingfrenzy.shorturl.com

wedding schmedding

I have returned from yet another wedding. Another one of my dear friends from "back home" has made the plunge. So why is it that I am so unhappy? She was such a beautiful bride - and it was very obvious that she adores him. She put on the wedding of my dreams (we've always had VERY similar interests, except when it came to boys) and it was a wonderfully joyous occasion. Though the cheese was a bit thick that day, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Yet I have this horrible fear in the pitt of my stomach. During the ceremony they were both pretty relaxed, which was good, but he... seemed so NOT genuine. She wrote the most beautiful vows to him and not only did he not have anything written down, but he seemed to get into character and told her how much he loved her and how he knew the first time he saw her that she was the one (a comment I personally hate) and then stopped, snapped out of character and said "yep, that's it, I'm done" and went on with the ceremony.
Now, don't get me wrong - I don't know the guy. At all. But from what I've seen I don't trust him. And as much as I love her (and I do a lot) I don't know that I can trust her choices when it comes to men. It's a little too late now though - and all I can do is PRAY PRAY PRAY that I am SO very wrong about all of this.
On the other hand, it was great to get to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in a really long time - including my parents and one of my very best friends, Nicole. Shortly after dinner, though, my mom pushed this baby onto me and left - then came back and proceeded to take picture after picture of me with the baby, worried that it was the closest she'd ever get to having a grandchild. OY! I understand that I am an only child and therefore her only hope, but I'm only 22!! So then the baby fell asleep and everyone went to go dance and I was left with sleeping baby and wary husband. For hours. It wasn't horrible, but it was HOT. Babies generate a LOT of body heat when they sleep.

Well, that's all I have for right now.
Pray for me.

Here goes nothing

Basically my goal here is to have a place to vent all of my psycho babble. So, if you're into that kinda thing, come on back every now and again. If not, well, better luck next time (just playin)!
Anyway, my current state of mind is one of shock. I really am getting older. And so are all my friends. It's just so strange to see the people I always saw as little sister/brothers going to college, getting married, and completely maturing (even a few I had once thought were hopeless!) It's not really that big of a deal - it's just shocking to me... almost like waking up one day to find that I've been asleep for 15 years and suddenly nothing is the same anymore.
Part of life, I suppose. I just wasn't ready for it.