One of the most difficult parts of growing up, for me anyway, has been getting to know myself. There have been some changes since my younger days - some good, some not-so-good. And there have been some parts of me that I have simply had to come to terms with - things that wont change. For instance, as much as I hate it, I'm a crier. I don't LIKE it, and I will hide it from as many people as possible, but I cry. A lot. When something is sad, when something is happy, when I'm angry or hurt or confused or upset. When I'm reading, when I'm watching TV, when I'm listening to music, whenever, really. But, as usual, I digress. I have had a bit of a revelation. I am a bad girlfriend. This is something I have had issues with since I was quite young. My interests are not THAT different that most females... and I'm as connection-driven as the next estrogen-ated human. But for some reason I can't seem to hold on to any sort of friendship with another female. Now, this has had it's downfalls over the years, but I'm finding that as I age it's become a much bigger burden. Previously, I have taken my need for socialization and hung out with the guys. However, the older I get the less and less I am able to do this. As my male friends get married their interests and priorities change, understandably. In general it's difficult to maintain a co-ed friendship without the perception of "something more." It's difficult to maintain any sort of friendship, really. Women tend to be obsessed with weddings and babies and furniture and decor and ... all sorts of things revolving around those topics. The exception being my unmarried female acquaintances who have seemingly written me out of their lives because we apparently have nothing left in common. Now I know this is not true, but I have yet figured out how to effectively communicate this to my single friends.
I suppose what it all comes down to is that maintaining friendships takes a LOT of work... and I'm not very good at that. At any inclination of trouble/unhappiness I pull away, not wanting to be THAT person. Not having any siblings, I've never been forced to make a friendship work.
Don't misunderstand - I don't have any ill feelings towards women in general. There have been many wonderful females in my life over the years. I love and appreciate each and every one of them and thank God for the impact they have had on me and the great examples I have had in them. I just need to be better and sticking myself out there and not shy away quite so quickly/easily.
On a happier note, Shaun and I had a great Thanksgiving holiday in the Coos, complete with family, good food, movies, caching and laughter. I have many things to be thankful for and at this moment I am most thankful for my husband's ever expanding patience with me, and the fact that I have another full day before I have to head back to work.
Blessings to you all!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Rouge Valley Expedition
Friday afternoon I skated out of work as soon as I possibly could so I could get home and get packed up. A couple of hours later Mr. Biggs pulled to a stop outside our apartment and Shaun and I hopped in to get our weekend started. After wading through oodles of icky traffic, we made a quick pit stop at a spinich-loving sailor's chicken joint. Then it was back on the road for the rest of our 5 and a half hour drive. Around 12:30am we arrived at our destination. We spent the weekend catching up with new friends, meeting the new baby and staying up waaaaaay too late! I had crocheted a blanket for baby J, and found that someone else had ALSO crocheted her a blanket in the exact same manner with the exact same yarn!!! What're the odds?
Anyhow, I had lots of fun and learned lots of things - especially about myself. It's getting a little late - I'll write more later.
Ciao
Anyhow, I had lots of fun and learned lots of things - especially about myself. It's getting a little late - I'll write more later.
Ciao
Monday, November 12, 2007
My Sordid Love Affair
Alright, so I suppose it doesn't really qualify as "sordid;" it just sounds cool.
This affair is between myself and - the Multnomah County Library, and it's a fairly recent development that has been long in the making. It all began in the fall of 2001. I was a recent Portland implant and a student, to boot. I had heard a few things about the library but was a little too apprehensive to actually venture to downtown to visit this place. During our Freshman orientation we skipped over the Central Library in favor of Powells. Now don't get me wrong, Powells is a love in and of itself with its overstuffed shelves, colorful rooms and eclectic levels of new and well-loved pages of information, imagination and intrigue.
As the weeks and months went on and I became heavy-burdened with papers and essays and reading from all my classes, and the sense that while the college campus was a place dedicated to higher education, there was little to no space for an easily distracted social butterfly like myself to actually get any work done. So I sucked up my hesitation and slight fear of "the big city," drove to the mall parking lot and boarded the Max train toward the heart of downtown Portland. Before I could make it to the stop that would put me close to the library, I got off at a slightly more comfortable spot - Borders. There I worked up my nerve by picking up a good book and sipping on some delicious Peets coffee while reclining in a comfy overstuffed chair (I must admit there was also some flirting with the cute coffee guy ... which, by the way, paid off in subsequent visits with lots and lots of free coffee!).
Finally I did it. I walked down the street and found myself the Multnomah County Central Library.
wow.
And that was just the outside! As I wandered indoors, I was overwhemed with the beauty of the building as well as the sheer amount of people assembled. At the LIBRARY!?!?! And what's more - these people looked happy to be there! Now in my little bit of the world, libraries were like factories... just a facility that enables one to crank out large quantities of work.
But I digress. I made my way through the two rooms on the ground floor and then wandered up the majestic stairway to the second floor to browse those two rooms. It was a bit dizzying, but I pressed on... up to the third floor. But when I got there, something was wrong. People were making so much noise - in the library. As I rounded that last twist in the stairway I saw what it was - a string quartet had set up in the 3rd floor lobby. I thought surely a dowdy surly-faced librarian would emerge to disperse the crowd and scold the musicians. But no! A kindly gent took the mike to introduce the musicians and explain what they were going to play next! It was kind of surreal, standing at the top of one of the most beautiful staircases listening to a Shubert arrangement with 50-60 complete strangers in this world of books.
It became a wonderful Saturday tradition of mine. Relaxing at Borders with my (mostly) free coffee followed by an afternoon of study and research (and wandering) at the library until closing time - often followed by a bread bowl of clam chowder or chicken noodle soup at Borders (yes, again) while I perused a new book or simply watched the hustle and bustle of Portland through the large window of the store. This was particularly fun in December as it was cold and rainy and the masses were out in full force with their Christmas lists.
This Saturday afternoon ritual was one that I truly wished to share with those I loved - and I tried, oh how I tried. But to no avail. The addition of another person meant conversation and gossip and discussion and debate, which are all wonderful, but it seemed to dispell the magic of the routine.
But as the weeks turned to months, and then to years, I finally graduated from college, was married and got a "real" job, leaving little time for those magical trysts. However, though I have "grown," the public library, in all its splendor, still has its hold on me. With our last move, there is not a library just a few blocks from our house, but I am at work during most of its open hours. However, I have discovered the online catalogue and my ability to put books on hold from my own house. Then all I have to do is stop by on my way home from work and they have my books waiting for me! O glory be - how marvelous!
But wait! There's MORE! In addition to books, they'll transfer and/or put aside my favorite music, language tapes, movies, television series and MORE!!!!! And it's not just the weird educational stuff your 10th grade science teacher made you watch. I've currently got the first season of Frasier, the movie Mystery Men, the new Amy Winehouse CD and the Rick Steve's tour of Italy (okay, so that's one that may have shown up in one of your 10th grade classes, but I'm just a geek like that).
Well, now that my quick little post has become the next great american novel, I suppose I should stop typing. My main message here is : I LOVE LIBRARY! Who's with me?!?!
This affair is between myself and - the Multnomah County Library, and it's a fairly recent development that has been long in the making. It all began in the fall of 2001. I was a recent Portland implant and a student, to boot. I had heard a few things about the library but was a little too apprehensive to actually venture to downtown to visit this place. During our Freshman orientation we skipped over the Central Library in favor of Powells. Now don't get me wrong, Powells is a love in and of itself with its overstuffed shelves, colorful rooms and eclectic levels of new and well-loved pages of information, imagination and intrigue.
As the weeks and months went on and I became heavy-burdened with papers and essays and reading from all my classes, and the sense that while the college campus was a place dedicated to higher education, there was little to no space for an easily distracted social butterfly like myself to actually get any work done. So I sucked up my hesitation and slight fear of "the big city," drove to the mall parking lot and boarded the Max train toward the heart of downtown Portland. Before I could make it to the stop that would put me close to the library, I got off at a slightly more comfortable spot - Borders. There I worked up my nerve by picking up a good book and sipping on some delicious Peets coffee while reclining in a comfy overstuffed chair (I must admit there was also some flirting with the cute coffee guy ... which, by the way, paid off in subsequent visits with lots and lots of free coffee!).
Finally I did it. I walked down the street and found myself the Multnomah County Central Library.
wow.
And that was just the outside! As I wandered indoors, I was overwhemed with the beauty of the building as well as the sheer amount of people assembled. At the LIBRARY!?!?! And what's more - these people looked happy to be there! Now in my little bit of the world, libraries were like factories... just a facility that enables one to crank out large quantities of work.
But I digress. I made my way through the two rooms on the ground floor and then wandered up the majestic stairway to the second floor to browse those two rooms. It was a bit dizzying, but I pressed on... up to the third floor. But when I got there, something was wrong. People were making so much noise - in the library. As I rounded that last twist in the stairway I saw what it was - a string quartet had set up in the 3rd floor lobby. I thought surely a dowdy surly-faced librarian would emerge to disperse the crowd and scold the musicians. But no! A kindly gent took the mike to introduce the musicians and explain what they were going to play next! It was kind of surreal, standing at the top of one of the most beautiful staircases listening to a Shubert arrangement with 50-60 complete strangers in this world of books.
It became a wonderful Saturday tradition of mine. Relaxing at Borders with my (mostly) free coffee followed by an afternoon of study and research (and wandering) at the library until closing time - often followed by a bread bowl of clam chowder or chicken noodle soup at Borders (yes, again) while I perused a new book or simply watched the hustle and bustle of Portland through the large window of the store. This was particularly fun in December as it was cold and rainy and the masses were out in full force with their Christmas lists.
This Saturday afternoon ritual was one that I truly wished to share with those I loved - and I tried, oh how I tried. But to no avail. The addition of another person meant conversation and gossip and discussion and debate, which are all wonderful, but it seemed to dispell the magic of the routine.
But as the weeks turned to months, and then to years, I finally graduated from college, was married and got a "real" job, leaving little time for those magical trysts. However, though I have "grown," the public library, in all its splendor, still has its hold on me. With our last move, there is not a library just a few blocks from our house, but I am at work during most of its open hours. However, I have discovered the online catalogue and my ability to put books on hold from my own house. Then all I have to do is stop by on my way home from work and they have my books waiting for me! O glory be - how marvelous!
But wait! There's MORE! In addition to books, they'll transfer and/or put aside my favorite music, language tapes, movies, television series and MORE!!!!! And it's not just the weird educational stuff your 10th grade science teacher made you watch. I've currently got the first season of Frasier, the movie Mystery Men, the new Amy Winehouse CD and the Rick Steve's tour of Italy (okay, so that's one that may have shown up in one of your 10th grade classes, but I'm just a geek like that).
Well, now that my quick little post has become the next great american novel, I suppose I should stop typing. My main message here is : I LOVE LIBRARY! Who's with me?!?!
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