of botched cookies and chocolate boogies

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. It's been a quite day here. I have been trying to do a lot of baking. I'm really not in the mood, though (which is strange in and of itself because I ALWAYS want to bake!). But I sucked it up and dug out some old tried and true cookie recipes. I mixed up the dough, popped it in the oven and out came some of the most awful things ever!!! Okay, so that might be a slight exaggeration, but still! I don't make bad cookies! I tried to fix it - but to no avail. So I tried again with a different recipe. Only slightly better, but edible at least. Then I kept forgetting about them and burned like three different pans of cookies! I still have a batch of brownies, banana bread, a sweet potato pie and biscuits to bake and I am temporarily giving up in the kitchen.
Our friends are on their way to Europe, my parents are in Hawaii, and I have to go back to work the day after Christmas and then I get to work all through our school's Christmas break. Bah Hum Bug!
On an slightly more humorous note, I made some hot cocoa mix for some friends for christmas and apparently ended up snorting a bunch of the cocoa powder because the next day I blew my nose and had - no joke - chocolate boogers!
And tomorrow we get to open the one gift under our tree!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ho Ho Ho!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Definitely wrapping paper! Bags can look pretty, but are not nearly as easy to sastifying to open.

2. Real tree or artificial? Do you have to ask? Would youlike artificial gifts?

3. When do you put up the tree? When we get a chance to get it. Usually a couple of weeks before Christmas

4. When do you take down the tree? When it starts dying and we need to make room hide the Easter Eggs! ha ha - just kidding! we do tend to keep it up quite a while, though...

5. Do you like egg-nog? Only if it's been cut with other, how did David put it?... "adult fluids"

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Ooze! I was probably 4 or 5 and my grandma got me a can of the ooze that turned those cute little baby turtles from the pet store into lean green fighting machines (the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, that is). Or maybe the doctor kit I got that year... it was awesome!

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope

8. Hardest person to buy for? my parents

9. Easiest person to buy for? hmm.....i don't know

10. Worst gift you ever received? Well, let me tell you... I was about 4 or 5 and on christmas morning I unwrapped this box for a freakin awesome TMNT action figure. When I tore into the box, though, it wasn't shredder I saw. It was this sickeningly pink baby doll. I wanted to cry. That same year (and from the same grandma!) I also go the Hans Christian Andersen version of the Little Mermaid, which was my favorite movie. I was so stoked! But then I watched and even though it was a little different it was tolerable until the end, when Ariel TURNED INTO SEA FOAM!!!!! seriously?!? come on!

11. Favorite Christmas movie? I'm going to have to agree with Kristi -While You Were Sleeping

12. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually around the end of September/beginning of October.

13. Have you ever recycled a present? oh yeah

14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? i really love my mama's shrimp alfredo

15. Clear or colored lights on tree? sure

16. Favorite Christmas song? Just about all of them. Especially We Three Kings

17. Travel or stay home? i like staying home

18. Can you name all of the reindeer? hmmm, yeah I think so

19. What is on top of your tree? Nothing.

20. When do you open presents? Christmas morning.

21. Most annoying thing this time of year? bells

22. Favorite ornament theme? theme schmeme - homemade is best.

23. Favorite food for Christmas dinner? homemade spaghetti and artichokes with melted garlic butter. What can I say? I'm Italian!

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? nothing.

That's Right...

It's nearly 3am. I'm awake and miserable and now you get to read all about it! If you are one who uses, or thinks of using, the phrase "TMI" often, you should probably stop reading.

Early this week, when I awoke with a sore throat that was nearly swollen shut, I naturally assumed Strep was the culprit. However, as the week progressed and my throat began feeling better, the fever persisted. "Hmm...," I thought, "that's one nasty infection!" Oh, how little I knew...

Thursday night, it began with slight rumblings in my tumblings (mild stomach upset, for those of you not fluent in Pooh-ese). That night I slept poorly and finally got out of bed sometime in the not-quite-wee hours of the morning with that horrible sinking feeling that I had no idea which end was about to explode. Luckily I guessed right and aimed well. I proceeded to spend the next hour+ in the bathroom trying to figure out if it was, in fact, too late to call in sick. After lots of inner debate (and the discovery of some good medication in the medicine cabinet), I decided that I should go to work - at least for the morning. We have been having so many subs, and I figured I could handle at least the morning work time and then maybe go home early. My body had other ideas, and luckily we already had a sub on alert for another staff member who was able to make it, so that sub came for me instead. At about 10am I drove myself home, medicated myself heavily, and then dumped my weary body into bed.
After making my way to pick Shaun up from work later that day and even venturing to the grocery store (so far away from a bathroom!!!), I thought perhaps I would live after all!
But alas, here I am. I could get to sleep (no doubt due to the 6 hour nap) until about 12:30am, and woke around 1:20 with those same darned rumblings and cramps and after another lucky guess made it to the right spot in the bathroom in time. And now here I am feeling drained and pained and restless and awake, looking up old classmates, checking flight prices for trips I'll probably never take, playing text twist... and documenting it all on this oh so illustrious blog of mine.
ENJOY!
and if you don't hear from me soon, chances are i've died. you should send flowers. i always did like lilies

The Contemplations of a 4 Year Old

Precious 4-but-oh-so-close-to-5-in-a-month-and-a-half year old girl:
"I've been thinking a lot about lipstick."
me:
"Lipstick?"
her:
"Yes, and, um, I also been thinking about that I am growing up. Into a Human."

I wonder what I have/will grow into?

Serious Business

Cooties - Funny video clips are a click away

Self-Awareness

One of the most difficult parts of growing up, for me anyway, has been getting to know myself. There have been some changes since my younger days - some good, some not-so-good. And there have been some parts of me that I have simply had to come to terms with - things that wont change. For instance, as much as I hate it, I'm a crier. I don't LIKE it, and I will hide it from as many people as possible, but I cry. A lot. When something is sad, when something is happy, when I'm angry or hurt or confused or upset. When I'm reading, when I'm watching TV, when I'm listening to music, whenever, really. But, as usual, I digress. I have had a bit of a revelation. I am a bad girlfriend. This is something I have had issues with since I was quite young. My interests are not THAT different that most females... and I'm as connection-driven as the next estrogen-ated human. But for some reason I can't seem to hold on to any sort of friendship with another female. Now, this has had it's downfalls over the years, but I'm finding that as I age it's become a much bigger burden. Previously, I have taken my need for socialization and hung out with the guys. However, the older I get the less and less I am able to do this. As my male friends get married their interests and priorities change, understandably. In general it's difficult to maintain a co-ed friendship without the perception of "something more." It's difficult to maintain any sort of friendship, really. Women tend to be obsessed with weddings and babies and furniture and decor and ... all sorts of things revolving around those topics. The exception being my unmarried female acquaintances who have seemingly written me out of their lives because we apparently have nothing left in common. Now I know this is not true, but I have yet figured out how to effectively communicate this to my single friends.
I suppose what it all comes down to is that maintaining friendships takes a LOT of work... and I'm not very good at that. At any inclination of trouble/unhappiness I pull away, not wanting to be THAT person. Not having any siblings, I've never been forced to make a friendship work.
Don't misunderstand - I don't have any ill feelings towards women in general. There have been many wonderful females in my life over the years. I love and appreciate each and every one of them and thank God for the impact they have had on me and the great examples I have had in them. I just need to be better and sticking myself out there and not shy away quite so quickly/easily.
On a happier note, Shaun and I had a great Thanksgiving holiday in the Coos, complete with family, good food, movies, caching and laughter. I have many things to be thankful for and at this moment I am most thankful for my husband's ever expanding patience with me, and the fact that I have another full day before I have to head back to work.
Blessings to you all!

Rouge Valley Expedition

Friday afternoon I skated out of work as soon as I possibly could so I could get home and get packed up. A couple of hours later Mr. Biggs pulled to a stop outside our apartment and Shaun and I hopped in to get our weekend started. After wading through oodles of icky traffic, we made a quick pit stop at a spinich-loving sailor's chicken joint. Then it was back on the road for the rest of our 5 and a half hour drive. Around 12:30am we arrived at our destination. We spent the weekend catching up with new friends, meeting the new baby and staying up waaaaaay too late! I had crocheted a blanket for baby J, and found that someone else had ALSO crocheted her a blanket in the exact same manner with the exact same yarn!!! What're the odds?
Anyhow, I had lots of fun and learned lots of things - especially about myself. It's getting a little late - I'll write more later.

Ciao

My Sordid Love Affair

Alright, so I suppose it doesn't really qualify as "sordid;" it just sounds cool.
This affair is between myself and - the Multnomah County Library, and it's a fairly recent development that has been long in the making. It all began in the fall of 2001. I was a recent Portland implant and a student, to boot. I had heard a few things about the library but was a little too apprehensive to actually venture to downtown to visit this place. During our Freshman orientation we skipped over the Central Library in favor of Powells. Now don't get me wrong, Powells is a love in and of itself with its overstuffed shelves, colorful rooms and eclectic levels of new and well-loved pages of information, imagination and intrigue.
As the weeks and months went on and I became heavy-burdened with papers and essays and reading from all my classes, and the sense that while the college campus was a place dedicated to higher education, there was little to no space for an easily distracted social butterfly like myself to actually get any work done. So I sucked up my hesitation and slight fear of "the big city," drove to the mall parking lot and boarded the Max train toward the heart of downtown Portland. Before I could make it to the stop that would put me close to the library, I got off at a slightly more comfortable spot - Borders. There I worked up my nerve by picking up a good book and sipping on some delicious Peets coffee while reclining in a comfy overstuffed chair (I must admit there was also some flirting with the cute coffee guy ... which, by the way, paid off in subsequent visits with lots and lots of free coffee!).
Finally I did it. I walked down the street and found myself the Multnomah County Central Library.
wow.
And that was just the outside! As I wandered indoors, I was overwhemed with the beauty of the building as well as the sheer amount of people assembled. At the LIBRARY!?!?! And what's more - these people looked happy to be there! Now in my little bit of the world, libraries were like factories... just a facility that enables one to crank out large quantities of work.
But I digress. I made my way through the two rooms on the ground floor and then wandered up the majestic stairway to the second floor to browse those two rooms. It was a bit dizzying, but I pressed on... up to the third floor. But when I got there, something was wrong. People were making so much noise - in the library. As I rounded that last twist in the stairway I saw what it was - a string quartet had set up in the 3rd floor lobby. I thought surely a dowdy surly-faced librarian would emerge to disperse the crowd and scold the musicians. But no! A kindly gent took the mike to introduce the musicians and explain what they were going to play next! It was kind of surreal, standing at the top of one of the most beautiful staircases listening to a Shubert arrangement with 50-60 complete strangers in this world of books.
It became a wonderful Saturday tradition of mine. Relaxing at Borders with my (mostly) free coffee followed by an afternoon of study and research (and wandering) at the library until closing time - often followed by a bread bowl of clam chowder or chicken noodle soup at Borders (yes, again) while I perused a new book or simply watched the hustle and bustle of Portland through the large window of the store. This was particularly fun in December as it was cold and rainy and the masses were out in full force with their Christmas lists.
This Saturday afternoon ritual was one that I truly wished to share with those I loved - and I tried, oh how I tried. But to no avail. The addition of another person meant conversation and gossip and discussion and debate, which are all wonderful, but it seemed to dispell the magic of the routine.
But as the weeks turned to months, and then to years, I finally graduated from college, was married and got a "real" job, leaving little time for those magical trysts. However, though I have "grown," the public library, in all its splendor, still has its hold on me. With our last move, there is not a library just a few blocks from our house, but I am at work during most of its open hours. However, I have discovered the online catalogue and my ability to put books on hold from my own house. Then all I have to do is stop by on my way home from work and they have my books waiting for me! O glory be - how marvelous!
But wait! There's MORE! In addition to books, they'll transfer and/or put aside my favorite music, language tapes, movies, television series and MORE!!!!! And it's not just the weird educational stuff your 10th grade science teacher made you watch. I've currently got the first season of Frasier, the movie Mystery Men, the new Amy Winehouse CD and the Rick Steve's tour of Italy (okay, so that's one that may have shown up in one of your 10th grade classes, but I'm just a geek like that).

Well, now that my quick little post has become the next great american novel, I suppose I should stop typing. My main message here is : I LOVE LIBRARY! Who's with me?!?!

Another year....

Another disappointment. Thus far, anyhow. It's 7:37pm and I'm sitting in my well-lit living room with the blinds wide open, jack-o-lanterns lit and inviting, enormous tub-o-candy sitting there by the door, just waiting to empty itself into the waiting bags/sacks of eager little witches and goblins (and Hannah Montanas and Harry Potters).
This has happened many times over the past few years, but it could always be blamed on my living situations (dorm room, secluded apartment off a major road, etc.). However this year is different. We live in a very residential area with lots of children who often play and ride bikes up and down this street. Perfect for a nice lively Halloween, right?
So far there has been ONE trick-or-treating family - and they SKIPPED OUR HOUSE!!!
Short of putting out a HUGE sign that says WE HAVE CANDY, I'm not sure what else to do.

On a slightly different note, Shaun suggested we make our house scary in honor of Halloween. Not just any kind of scary, though, but scary to Portlanders... by putting the following signs in the yard:

NO WiFi Available!

WE DON'T RECYCLE!

MMMM MEAT!

NEAREST COFFEE SHOP: 587miles

WE HATE GREEN

NO BICYCLES ALLOWED

Random Fact #351

My inner dialog is freakin' hilarious. Not just a little funny, mind you, but uproariously, tears-rolling-down-your-face, so-much-laughter-building-up-inside-that-you're-going-to-BURST-if-you-don't-let-it-out funny!

I just thought you should know this.

Quickie

So the last week and a half has been crazy busy. This week is crazy busy, but I thought I'd post a quickie since I know there are so many of you on the edge of your seat just waiting to hear about my life.

ha

Okay, so here goes:
1. My husband is awesome.
2. I love autumn
3. I had jury duty for the first time ever ... definitely for a later post.
4. I love geo-caching
5. Shaun and I are apparently just entering the most difficult year of marriage
6. We are pretty darn happy, though.
7. My rabbit is adorable
8. I really love cooking
9. I could read read read for.ev.er
10. I wish I could live in Borders
11. I need to work on me some more.
12. My tolerance for people, which was steadily climbing for some time, is beginning a downhill slide once again.
13. I really love lists
14. I'm STILL fighting some sort of illness (it's there, just lurking under the surface, making me tired and emotional. grrr)
15. In the last 9 months twenty three of my friends have given birth (well, or their wives have given birth). TWENTY THREE!!!
16. I'm not sure why I'm still listing...

There you have it folks, I'm still alive - and Sarah C, if you're still out there reading this, I still REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wish you would come back to us. We miss you!

Sometimes....

I want to take my job, walk it deeeeeep into the woods, and shoot it. Dead. And sometimes, I don't. Today was an "all of the above" kind of day, but luckily I left feeling happy and content. I do love my job.

Oh, and I must apologize for my blogging. Normally, I am quite a stickler for correct grammar and such. In fact, one of the things I LOVED way back in my AP English class was our impromtu essays (which, coincidentally were not so impromptu, as we had at least one every Friday). Our teacher would give us a prompt and 20 minutes, in which we would sit for about 10 going "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," and then furitively pump out our pages, hoping for the best. The hope was that we would
1. be able to pass the writing section of our AP exam in May, and
2. avoid the wrath of The Red Pen Lady when it came to our "real" papers.
Who is this RPL, you ask? Well, I wouldn't really know, as I have never laid eyes upon her... nor has anyone I know. I always envisioned her as this warty old hunchback locked away in a dungeon somewhere, whose sole pleasure in life was to keep the joy away from pimply high school children everywhere. But the truth is she was some way-smart teacher lady who graded the AP exams in May and agreed to critique our writing. I think her name was Miss Mackie. Or something.

Anyhow, even though I publicly dreaded writing those papers as well as our impromptu essays, I secretly loved them. I wasn't very good, but I did get better, and every structurally sound sentance, every paragraph that stood on solid fountation, every well-organized essay brought such joy to my heart. The way I learned to craft words into rhythmic and picturesque thoughts was... wonderful and captivating! Thanks to that class, and my stickler Step-dad, I have become quite the grammar-nazi. Unfortunately, when it comes to blogging, my brain and fingers get moving faster than my good sense and I end up posting blogs that I go back and read and then want to cry. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me.

The end

I'm baaaaack

OH before I forget, did any of you ever watch the show Dinosaurs? With the Sinclair family? Yeah, I miss that show.

And noooow, back to the show!

I don't mind change. I actually kind of like it. Sometimes. My body, on the other hand, isn't so fond of the thing. For some reason, whenever there's a major (I use the word "major" rather loosely here) change in my life, my body revolts. I don't sleep, I get sick at the drop of a hat, cry more than any human should be able to, and generally become slightly zombie-esque. It's weird. Nothing too awfully bad, just enough to be rather irksome. I think the most major change that has happened was a few summers ago when I graduated from college, moved and got married within just a few months. Yikes. But I wasn't working, which at the time was uber-stressful, but in hindsight was such a blessing. I finally adjusted to having no more deadlines, a home of my own (withOUT four other girls!), and sharing my precious bed with another. It took quite a bit of time, but now THAT is normal, and any change to my new routine throws me out of whack. Now when Shaun is gone, things are all crazy again. Shaun ditched me for the East Coast this summer, and let me tell you - it wasn't pretty!
There is a reason for all this. The mister is now looking into joining the National Guard. And I thoroughly support this decision. In just about every way, this is a great opportunity/decision for us. We have some good contacts with the Oregon National Guard who has our best interests in mind, Shaun's ASVAB scores showed that he is able to go in an do pretty much whatever he wants, and he can even continue to do his current job (which he loves). So financially and career-wise, stability, benefits, etc., this is fantastic. I grew up with a military step-dad (hence the good contacts), so I know the wonderful benefits. But talk about change. Between Basic Training and AIT, Shaun will be gone for twenty-seven weeks. Yeah, nearly SEVEN MONTHS!!!! In either South Carolina or Arizona.

Seriously?!?
But right now, he's looking at going into MI... yeah, Military Intelligence. Oxymoron? Yes. Still super-cool? Certainly! Even though it scares the crap out of me because of my proclivity to reading books containing many government conspiracies and such. But I digress.
I'll keep you all posted on the situation. If you're "the kind," please pray. If not.... go ahead and try it... for us! Just kidding! If you're not the praying type, well then... I don't know.... be my friend when I'm here all alone for 7 months (you praying types can do this, too, by the way).


Okay, only two more things (geez this blog has become lengthy):
1. Dave Barry is freakin' hilarious. If you like to laugh, you should check out one of his books. Boogers are My Beat was a good one... but he's got lots, so read one. DO IT!!!!
2. ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS UNTIL THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoo hoo!

That's all. Now I'm off to finish my honeydew melon!

It's Official!!!

Well, it's finally technically, officially, wonderfully, marvelously HERE! Yes, Autumn has arrived, and "boy oh boy" (ala Joe Peschi in With Honors -if you havne't seen it, you should!) am I excited. I must admit I have been celebrating early. In the past week I have made chicken noodle soup, spaghetti, spiced cider, hot cocoa; I've pulled out my big THICK fuzzy blanket, laundered it and cuddled up with it and a nice book. Ah.
I must admit that I cheated just a little bit. I was so ready to cuddle up with my just-out-of-the-dryer blanket, but it was still a bit too warm in the house. I couldn't believe my luck. I was so bummed. But then, I had an idea. No, I didn't neatly fold the blanket and tuck it away for another day. That's right, I turned on the air conditioner. Yep. I did it JUST to be able to wrap up in a warm blanket. Call me a freak. Tell me I wasted energy and money and all that... and really? I don't particularly care. It was totally worth it!
But I digress. This morning, Shaun and I celebrated the first day of Fall by listening to my Loony Tunes Christmas CD. Oh yeah, CHRISTMAS!!!

Well, I have more to blog about, but I need to go take care of a few things. I'll try to get the rest of everything blogged tonight or tomorrow.

Hey - anyone up for a pumpkin carving party? Or.... something equally festive and fall-y and fun?

#75

We have a bunny. She's adorable... but that's not what I'm here to talk about. She chews. She's a rabbit - that's what she does. Well, she seems to have an affinity for rubber, and in the last 7 months has managed to chew every single button off our remote control. The remote is still usable, but sometimes trying to use the correct button reminds me of that game, Memory, that I used to play as a kid. It's also a bit difficult to get your finger to press the teeny tiny button all the way down.
Today, my husband came home with this:

Seriously!
Well, I suppose we'll never loose the remote again.
hm

'Sis the Teason

Call me crazy, but I am totally, officially IN the Christmas spirit! I'm feeling it already! Yeah, yeah yeah, so it's only September... but it's getting a little chilly finally and that just does it for me. I was able to curl up in the recliner today with a fuzzy blanket - all wrapped up for a cozy Sunday afternoon nap. For the first time since May I didn't wake up drenched in sweat because it's so freakin hot! I just stepped outside a moment ago and stood in the dark drizzle of a beautiful autumn evening! SO wonderful! Those evenings curled up with a cozy blanket and a cup of steaming spiced cider or my delicious homemade holiday hot cocoa... not so far away now! I shall take full advantage of this rainy week to make some yummy chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese and tomato soup... and cuddle up with some good books.
To those of you who cringe and cry that summer is beginning to relinquish her hold and pass the reigns on to Autumn, I am truly sorry for you. I know the devistation of seeing your favorite season slip out the back door while a new season full of weather you're not so fond of beats down the front door. I truly hope that this fall and winter are happy times for you and yours.
To us "normal" people - BRING ON THE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

73

phrase of the week:

The Bible is like..... a submarine.

yeah, think about it!

post #72

Original blog title, eh? And boy do I have exciting news for numero seventy-dos.
I cut my toenails last night. I got a little crazy on my right big toe, cut too much nail off, and am paying for it today.

I hate when I do that. ouch

How are your toes today?

hefalumps and woozles

So (I think) I have been what they (cyber people, I suppose) call "tagged" to make a list. Not just any list, but a list about me. Random things about me. I think the tag was for 8 things, but I'm just going to start and see where this goes.

1. I am shy and often uncomfortable around people.
2. When I'm not too busy doing #1, I'm excessively outgoing and silly and goofy
3. I used to dream of being an anchorwoman.
4. I love the freckle-y thing I have on my left index toe
5. I'm slightly ashamed at my extreme excitement over being "tagged" for this list. I've never been tagged before.
6. I love having lots of friends and lengthy discussions
7. I dream of the day I will have more than 2 readers for my blog
8. I am an addict. If there is something to read, I can't help myself
9. I learned most of what I know about US History from The Singing American (Johnny Horton)
10. I try to use correct grammar. I especially cringe at improper pronounciation and hanging prepositions.
11. My favorite camping snack is a brown sugar and cinnamon pop tart with a cold, crunchy dill pickle
12. I love growing things
13. I'm paranoid about being an imposition on others
14. From all my days in Tae Kwon Do, the only physical residue is one wicked-cool muscle on my right foot
15. I don't walk on grates. Or manholes. Or anything that indicated that there may be a hole or room or person beneath that could possibly be under me, waiting to reach up and grab me - or open up and swallow me whole.
16. I hate dolls
17. I'm still sad that my mom would never let me make ice cream in my Barbie ice Cream Shoppe set thingy. It was the only redeeming quality of that gift, and I never got to use it....
18. I can still recall, with great vividity, 2 very disturbing dreams I had at the ages of 4 and 6.
19. I was born on Elvis's birthday
20. I cry waaaay more than I would ever let on to anyone else
21. Books elicit more emotion from me than most any person could (or has, anyway)
22. The sky is enthralling to me. Any day. Any night. Any time.
23. If I won the lottery, after settling my debt and a little bit of sharing, I would buy a watermellon farm and then I would spend the rest of the money on school. I would get about 3 more undgraduate degrees, then move on to some sort of masters degree.
24. After 23 years of little to no TV, I have discovered the joys of mindless enterntainment
25. After 24 "things" about me, I think I'm ready for bed.

G'Night

darn those time-wasters

So I was wasting time I don't have to waste surfing around on some MySpace pages and found one of those "Your ________ is ______" kind of things, and clicked on it. Why? I don't know. I typed in my full name and got my "expression number." This is what mine said:
Your Expression Number is 4
Practical and down to earth - everything in your life is organized.
You are a great writer and teacher. You never forget a detail.
Very patient, you have the ability to cultivate talents in difficult fields.

You also tend to have an artistic side. You'd make a great architect or classical musician.
You face your responsibilities with a positive attitude - and you always get things done.
You are serious, sincere, honest, and faithful.

Sometimes your strong sense of responsibility leads to frustration.
You also tend to develop strong likes and dislikes, which border on dogmatism.
At you're worst, you can be a dominant disciplinarian.

Wow... now, there's a thing or 2 in there that are true; there's a thing or 2 in there that are far from true, but in general, it reminded me of all the characteristics that I used to embody... the ones that I have shirked in the last few years. Yes, blogthings has shamed me. A "blogthing" has made me take a good look at myself and say "ICK."
I want my patience back.
I want my positive attitude back.
I want my sense of responsibility back - even when it leads to frustration.
I want my creative side back.
Good thing I will be put in the perfect situation to really get down to work and get those back. This next school year is going to be challenging. My goal is to actually TAKE that challenge and not just suffer through it like I did last year.
Hmmm... it's going to be tough. I used to like tough.... I will get there again, though.
I guess you could call this my New Year Resolution. Forget January - for us teachers, it all begins in Aug or Sep.
Deep Breath
Here I am world, CHECK ME OUT!

ventilation

So it's not a big vent/rant - only 2 small ones.
1. my BOSS emailed a parent for me. Basically she asked me what information needed to be relayed and then typed it for me. Now, the message got across just fine; the parent received the information she needed. However, I read the email my BOSS sent and it's full of misused words and grammar and ... I know she was doing a favor for me AND it was probably an accident, but it seems in bad taste for a professional business, ya know? Just a personal irritation, nothing too major.

2. the amount of time said boss spends on the clock taking care of personal business/phone calls, etc. granted, she does a lot of work for the school on her own time, but....

gotta go. more later

Royal Butt-Kickings

God's really good at kicking my butt. He is! He tends to be pretty gentle about it mostly, but there is no mistaking the intent behind the swift kick in the behind! This has happened many times in my life, and it happened again this weekend. A few times, actuallly, but there is one in particular that I would like to share with you. Remember my neighbor? Well, not much has really changed lately. If anything, we (Shaun and I) have just gotten more and more exasperated. This afternoon I had a plan. I had my afternoon and evening scheduled out until I needed to be at the airport to pick up Shaun. Part of that plan included a few minutes to go water my garden. While out there I ran into (not literally) her. We chit-chatted for a few minutes and I was talking about some of our plan/obligations and such ... or something like that. Anyhow, I said something about church. Immediately she perked up and said "you go to church? where?" I told her and she asked if we taught the Bible and if we went every Sunday and then came home afterward. When I told her that we pretty much did just that, she asked if maybe we would be interested in bringing her with us. She went on to talk about a TV program she enjoyed watching where someone just read passages of scripture and answering mail from viewers who had questions about particular passages. But they took it off the air and since then she's been thinking about going to church, but for some reason she can't sit for church AND then manage to drive home.

wow

All this time I prayed and kept trying to be patient and be a good example to her, to keep evil thoughts from my mind. Isn't that what we should be doing? Yet I never opened my mouth to her about my faith. Not once. And all this time, finding a church has been on her heart. One silly little word said in passing was all it took. She has been seeking, and I have been shirking. Jesus, you are amazing, and I am sorry. You provide. Please help me to reach out to others in your name. Help me to be your hands reaching out to those in need, even if they are annoying and regardless of how they recieve the message.
I don't know what will come of this visit to our church, but I pray that You will work in her life and that you will continue to put me in the middle of challenges like this one. Help me to close my pride and open my mouth.

Use me, Jesus. And keep kicking my butt when I'm being lazy and selfish.

of loss and mourning

Well, this morning I said goodbye to a dear old friend.
We met through a mutual friend about 6 years ago. I can't say I was a great friend - ours was an on-gain, off-again relationship. But whenever we parted (and regardless of whose decision it was), there was always the knowledge that we would meet again. After a long parting, we met up again yesterday. Our final hours together were intense and intimate, triumphant and sorrowful. And alas, this morning we parted ways for the last time. We will always have our memories, and I'll be able to easily recall everything, as I have written documentation of every moment of our time together, but it will never be the same again. I am only slightly ashamed to admit that these last two days have been full of tears. There have been the welling eyes, the quiet spill-overs, the disjointed sobs, the quiet happy drops and the wracking, heaving bawling. It's so difficult to fathom the finality of the situation. There will be no more afternoons of peaceful heart-to-hearts, no more adventures, nothing. It's over. Finished. Done.

I will miss you, Harry Potter. I will miss the anticipation of the unknown, the adventures of you and your friends and family. I have enjoyed our journey together and am grateful to David and to Carly for introducing us. You can be assured that I will revisit our time together. Thank you for the joy and the sorrow and the escape (and vocabulary) you have provided to me throughout these past years.
Peace be with you, Harry.






**yes, I am well aware of just how pathetic I am.... but books touch me in ways I can't really explain.

on -mania

I'm a maniac maaay-niac!
My very own copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows arrived in Portland approximately 1 hour and 59 minutes ago. It will be on my doorstep Saturday morning!!!!!!!!

Don't plan on seeing or hearing from me all weekend! Shaun leaves for DC early Saturday, so I've got my date w/Harry all set for the entire weekend.

Eerie!

So I opened my internet browser this morning with the sole intention to get some good quotes for the newsletter at work, and the MSN page had a link to this article and it served its purpose in catching my eye. I clicked to the article, read it, and was flabbergasted! I seriously wondered if perhaps I wrote and submitted the article under a false name! Yeah! Anyhow, here it is:
Skip navigation

By Carrie Friedman
Newsweek
July 23, 2007 issue - I am at a party chatting with a woman I know slightly. As her young son squirms out of her embrace, she slips her hand under my shirt. She's not getting fresh with me. She's touching my tummy with her cold hand and asking me, in a concerned voice, "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" I smile, break free from her touch, and head to the food table to fill said empty belly with her brat's birthday cake.

I love children and definitely plan on having them. Maternal instinct is oozing out of my pores: I've infantilized my dogs; I've gotten down on my hands and knees at the park with babies I barely know. My marriage is wonderful and solid, and we are both blessed with good health. I've been a nanny, a teacher, a youth-group leader. I've taken childhood-development courses solely for the purpose of someday raising happy, balanced children. I have always looked forward to becoming a mother.

So why don't I have kids or even the inkling right now? It's because of you. Yes, you: the fanatical mothers of the world. It may seem like ages ago now, but you weren't always like this. You, too, were sneering at the obnoxious parents who brought their infants to fancy, adult, nighttime restaurants or R-rated movies and let them carry on, ruining things for other patrons. You've been terrible advertising for the club that you so desperately need others to join.

If you want me to join your ranks—and you've made it clear with your cold, clammy hands on my stomach that recruiting my uterus is of paramount importance to you—I need to set some ground rules.

First, please stop asking me when I'm going to get pregnant.

For all you know, I cannot have kids. For all I know, I cannot have kids, as I have not yet tried. But imagine how painful this line of interrogation would be if I had submitted to all kinds of procedures, only to come up empty-wombed. It would be emotionally devastating. Yet ever since the day after my wedding two years ago, I have fielded this question from the eye doctor, the dental assistant, my yoga teacher, the bagger at the grocery store. All of them feel entitled to ask. Don't. It's none of your business.

Next, don't completely abandon your own life and passions. You're setting a bad example for aspiring mothers-to-be like me.

I recently expressed my happiness over an achievement I had at work to a mother-friend of mine. She said, dripping with condescension, "Well, you don't know happiness until you've had a baby."

That's very possible, but don't rain on my parade, as I've never said to you, "Remind me, when you went to that expensive college you majored in diaper-rash prevention, right?"

I happen to love my job. It fulfills me in ways no other person—even a child—could. I learned through my own mother's example that the best lesson you can teach your kids is to pursue their passions. It's not selfish to have your own life. In fact, it's selfish not to.

Now let's talk a bit about manners, as in please teach your children some. The world has rules, and kids should learn them. And being well mannered does not infringe on their individuality and freedom.

I crouched to meet the eye line of an acquaintance's 4-year-old to greet her, and in response, she punched me in the face so hard my mouth bled. What was more baffling was the mother's reaction: nothing to the child, but to me she said very sternly: "You really shouldn't talk down to kids."

I also shouldn't be punched in the face by kids whose parents don't know how to set basic boundaries. Experiences like this don't exactly encourage me to hurry up and get pregnant.

Finally, don't make your kid an extension of your own narcissism.

No one could possibly love your kids as much as you do, so stop inflicting them on others. Don't bring your kid to adult parties when you're not sure if it's kid-friendly. If they didn't invite your kid, they don't want your kid there. If you don't want to get a babysitter, stay home.

My husband thinks some people, particularly mothers, behave in these ways because it helps them validate their own choices. But he doesn't truly understand how infuriating it is, and that's because nobody badgers men with questions about procreation.

Becoming a parent was your decision, and I am thrilled for you. All I'm asking is that you let me make that choice in my own time. And keep your hands off my belly.

Weekend Wanderings (and wonderings)

Shaun and I have been doing a lot of house-sitting lately. This is mostly pretty cool. Being the proud person I am, it's a little irksome when people just assume we'll house sit for them (without pay) because it's doing us some big favor by allowing us to live in their bigger, "better" house. But all in all, it's fine, and we have been enjoying ourselves. However, Friday night we both fell into our OWN bed with much rejoicing. Apparently our bed is a lot better than we gave it credit for - after almost three weeks of slumbering in foreign beds, our own was just... just wonderful!
So I took advantage of my free time and slept in Saturday morning while Shaun had to get up and go to work for a few hours. When he got home, he got a call from his good friend David and before long we had all agreed that it was a super day for geo-caching! After a slight mix-up and then lunch at good ol' TB, we headed into the woods and spent a nice day hiking the trails and finding hidden treasure. Our final cache was never found - we found a dead possum, some porn, and a little black vole, but no cache. Hmmm...
Afterwards we treked back up to my work for a quick pit stop before heading over to D & C's house for some yummy BBQ'd burgers and A Night At The Museum. Fun times.
Unfortunately it seems I have time only to blog about my weekend wandering - perhaps later I'll get a chance to blog about my wonderings.
Ciao for now!

It Is Time

Happy Summer Solstice all!

That's all.

No Human Being Is Illegal

That's what the protest signs say. Apparently there was a big bust in Portland and a bus-load of illegals were taken to Tacoma to wait for a decision about deportation .. or something. I don't really know the details, but I know that people are feeling very strongly about this topic. Now, in general I am a pretty compassionate person. I'm appropriately outraged when people are treated unfairly. I oppose slavery and racism and prejudice and all that. But if I decided I wanted to live in, say, Italy and so I flew over there and tried to live and work without the proper documentation, I would fully expect to be unceremoniously booted from the country. Yes, this is America, but dude, if you're not going to get what you need to get to be here legally, you need to get out! I don't see any grey (gray?) area here.
That's all.

I'm a big procrastinator. I'll tell you about that sometime.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it

back it up

So I got on the computer almost an hour ago to try to do some catch-up blogging (as opposed to mustard blogging?) but have been so side-tracked by other blogs, myspace, etc. Sorry. Anyhow, I previously promised some blogging about the following:
geo-caching
scrabble
only children
weekends
bar-be-ques/ cooking
hands and feet
jealousy
bunnies
etc.

Right now I shall attack just a couple of those.

1. geo-caching. On Memorial Day, our cool friends D and C invited us to go geo-caching with them. We had never gone, so we immediately shouted YES YES YES!!! So they came over with their handy dandy GPS and we were off! We found six caches - all VERY close to our house! It was so so so much fun. Afterwards, we all came back to our house and had a quasi-impromptu bbq (we had been planning on having them over the next night, so it wasn't THAT impromptu), and played Nertz and Super Scrabble (which i'm pretty sure Carrie won, as she wins pretty much every game we ever play!)
In conclusion, if you ever wanted to be really nice, you could get us a handheld GPS!!
hmmm I guess I just covered geo-caching, scrabble, and bbqs all in one. cool.

2. weekends. I've found that the END of the weekend sets the mood for my week. Sunday afternoon/evening/night is crucial! If my weekend ends well I go to bed happier, wake up happier, and when I walk into work and the first question invariably is "how was your weekend" I can reply "wonderful" and feel honest about it. And even just thinking about the happy "weekend" puts me in a better mood; thus making Monday more bearable and setting a happy attitude for the rest of the week.

Speaking (typing) of weekends, it's a weekend now. And guess what? Shaun and I are going out to lunch, running some errands on the west side.. then going to the DRIVE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right: Shrek the Third and Pirates the Third!
WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO

love thy neighbor?

Yeah, so generally I'm all about that rule. I would love to just get along swimmingly (where did that term come from, anyway?!) with everyone in my neighborhood - I love neighborhoods like that. And generally I've been on pretty good terms with most of my neighbors. What a whopper we got this time, though. Without going into too much detail at the moment (due to time constraits only - not lack of detail, that's for sure), let me just tell you our neighbor is crazy. A lot of things have happened that I may or may not later recount to you via blog post (or in person if you'd like the full effect), but what I'd like to blog about now is what I was driven to do a couple of weeks ago.

After a particularly trying day at work, and and even more trying commute, I arrived home and as quickly as possible dashed from the car to the front door with my head down so as to avoid contact with anyone. I just wanted to get inside, pee, get a book and relax. No sooner had I kicked off my shoes and plopped down on the couch with said book when there is this pounding at the front door. Knowing full well who it was and deciding that I didn't have the capacity to be civil and kind and treat her in a way I would want to be treated, I ignored it. I quietly tiptoed into the bedroom, stretched out on the bed and opened my book again, preppared to emerse myself in the story when the pounding resumed, this time at the back door. Knowing she couldn't pound forever I began reading. Pretty soon the pounding stopped. Phew. But then... it was back. Not at the front door, not at the back door, but at my BEDROOM WINDOW!!!! Now, I was stretched out on my stomach facing away from the window... and I'm pretty sure she was able to see me through the crack in the blinds. Do I care? No. Surely if she sees me laying (lying?) in bed she will cease this overtly rude pounding. Right? WRONG. She moved on to the spare room window, the living room window, the front door and then the back door before finally huffing off. I have never felt so trapped in my own house before! By the time she came to the back door, I thought "ya know, this might be urget, maybe I should go see what she wants" But then she came to the bedroom window and all nice thoughts left.

Turns out Shaun had put some laundry in the dryer that morning and forgot to take them out before he left.

Maybe I was being too harsh?
But pounding on my windows?!?!

How do you deal with particularly difficult "neighbors?"


**every single time I typed the word "neighbor" or "neighborhood" (even those two times!) I put an extra "O" after the "b" (or before the "r"). Won't YOU be my neighboor?

seriously?

okay so it's almost 11:30 in the pm. i haven't been up this late in a loooooong time. especially on a week night. i'm sick. it sucks. generally i don't mind being sick too much.... but i'm just pooped. please forgive the lower case mania. i can't sleep, i can't focus my eyes long enough to read. so i've resorted to listening to the telly. i just saw a circuit city commercial. i've seen this commercial before and.... does anyone else hear the farting noise in the song they play during their commercials? i can't be hallucinating ... can i?

hmmm

eyes are blurring

need sleep

hate snot

throat ripping

oi

Genius

So my co-workers refer to me as "the genius." Well, not all of them - just the office staff. This is kind of my fault. You see, when I'm working on something and figure out something - anything, really... how to get the computer to do something I want, a creative way to fix something I thought was totalled, etc., the words "yesssss!! I'm a genius" often slip out of my mouth. It's my step-dad's fault really, but I guess there could be worse things. Anyhow, any time they need something done or have a task or a question or a problem with something, they call on their resident genius.
I'm here to renounce the title.
You see, yesterday when I got home there was a package in our mailbox. It was our computer charger!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoooooray!
Well.... we plugged it in and then left for Life Group ( a great one, I might add - we talked about something I'll share with you later).... and then we came home and let our poor bunny out (she'd been in her cage since 9am!). Well.... not 15 minutes later we see that she had stealthily managed to completely sever the wall plug in from the charger adapter thingy-ma-jig.
But this morning Shaun did this cool snip clip zip thing and now the previously detatched charger is in tact and our battery is at 100%!
My husband is a genius!

FYI

Sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I get this crazy strong urge to floss my teeth.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Also, there is a student in my class whose (is that the right context in which to use that spelling? whose knows?) end-of-the-year/good-bye gift to her teachers is shoes. No joke. Shoes. Rainbow Shoes or Butterfly shoes or Flower shoes. I thought she was joking. Then her mother asked me what size shoe I wore.
Priceless.
I can hardly wait for the end of the year. Only 7 more days!!!

PS our computer charger should be here in the next week or so ... so i'll be back more frequently at that time.

PSS I really really love that blogger automatically saves drafts!

delay...

Sorry for the delay. Unfortunately, I must delay even longer. Dear Beesley chewed (I think the past tense of chew should be chaw) through our computer charger and it finally poopered out. So no more computer until the new charger comes in. I can get a few minutes in here at work, but it is not the right environment for "real" blogging.
So there you have it. When I do get back I'll be blogging about things like:
geo-caching
scrabble
only children
weekends
bar-be-ques/ cooking
hands and feet
jealousy
bunnies
etc.

So you have all the good stuff to look forward to! See you soon!

phew

So the news is out. Remember a few posts ago when I had news and I was trying so so so very hard not to gossip? Well, I am proud to say that the ONLY person who found out from me was my husband (it had less than nothing to do with him or anyone he even knows). I kept it in and now I don't have to keep anything in because the news is out. Phew!

Onto other news: oh yeah, I don't have any new news. I did have a bloggy thought this morning (and yep, that's the technical adjective for something you'd like to blog about). However, my lunch break is only another 7 minutes and I need to go potty and make a phone call. So later on (today, hopefully) I'll hop back on ye ol' internet and get all bloggy on your butt. For now...

You and I? We're done.

(what?!)

and big kudos to whoever recognizes that exchange.

Rachael Freakin' Ray

I got home today and there was a box on the front porch. It was from Everyday w/Rachael Ray. I have never ordered or signed up to get anything from RR aside from a free trial of her mag. or zine. or to us normal people, magazine. Anyhow, there was "free gift" to me from RR ... with a tote bag, OxyClean spray cleaner thingy, free coupons and recipe cards, 20% off an order @ her store, some toasted Wheat Thins, body wash, ...... and a few other things.

awesome.

Babies

Yes, I have babies on the brain. Not that I want one - or any right now, really. But I can no longer ignore the baby crazy. I just counted, and I know at least 22 people who are either prego or have just recently given birth. Wow. Am I just totally missing something here? I am reminded of a telephone conversation I had with my mother my Sophomore year of college. I was so frustrated with the world because my whole group of friends had turned into wedding zombies. I suppose that's not entirely accurate. It wasn't all about weddings at that point... it was all about the significant other. Boyfriends and girlfriends became the primary recipient of all attention. It sucked. I remember relaying this to my mom one particular weekend night when I had been once again ditched in favor of searching for "the one" and was just fed up. I was, of course, expecting some comforting words - perhaps an invitation to drive home and hang out/do something cool that weekend. (looking back, i'm not sure WHY i expected any of that...). Instead I got the "hey, that's life. You're at the age when most people are finding that person, etc. etc. Hey, when I was your age I had a 3 yr old daughter"
Of course all I heard was "what kind of freak isn't out trying to get some on a Friday night." Now, I know that's not what she said - OR what she meant and after I had some time to calm down I was able to realize that it was actually a bit of a blessing, because while everyone else was away I had some great undistracted time to actually get some school work done. And then once I fully resigned to the fact that I was going to be an old spinster (actually, I think i was planning on opening a CoC nunnery at the time), I met Shaun that same year, and... well - here we are.

So here I am four years later and NOW all the people around me are obsessed not with the latest club or attracting the opposite sex, but cribs and baby clothes and finding out the sex of the microscopic parasite that lives within.
Now, I've gotten way past bitter... I'm just baffled. I know I know I will never understand until I have my own. I get that. When you have a life inside of you, growing and forming and completely dependent upon you -it's terrifying and exciting and wonderful, et al. What I don't get is the drive. Perhaps my biological clock runs on solar power or something else that you don't find in Oregon. I see a lot of people who try and try and try (and in some cases succeed, succeed, succeed) to make babies because it makes them feel needed. Or because they like babies. Come on! Really? How screwy of a society can we create?
I am realizing that this blog sounds VERY bitter and angry.... that's not my intent. I'm curious. I love kids as much as the next guy - girl, whatever. I love to feel needed and wanted and all that jazz. But... is it fair to bring a new life into this already-pretty-populated world for my own selfish reasons? What do I have to give to this kid? Am I at a point where I can - and WANT to - do this? Yeah, you can argue that noone is ever ready, but... *sigh* I just don't get it.

You are making your own choices and I am OK with that. You be the best parent you can be. That's all anyone can ever ask. I don't hate parents. I don't hate kids. I suppose my biggest "beef" is this: just because you're a parent doesn't mean you are better than me. Just because I haven't popped out a kid doesn't mean I don't know anything. It doesn't mean we no longer have anything in common.

Don't write me off because you have squirted a little animal out of your body. Please.

Maybe I'll get myself one of these:

It's My Life

No more gossip, right? Why is it that NOW ... today... I learn of some pretty big news that noone knows about ... and I can't tell. Oh, it's big. Not really to anyone but me and about... 8 or 9 other people, but still. harumph!

Side note (though it's really not on the side, is it?): great conversation I had today

small child: I want to be a teacher when i grow up
me: cool! me too! I want to be a teacher when I grow up!
sm: uh! You're alREADy a teacher
me: oh. What can I be when I grow up, then?
sm: uh! JessiCA! You are a grown up already.
me: oh. Well then, what can I do?
sm: you stay here. then you go home.

and there you have it: my life. i stay there. then i go home. and that's all there is to it.
ha

cheerio

what will this be about?

So... I've been meaning to blog about quite a few things lately. The problem is, I've been too lazy to actually type any of them out. So on my way home from work today I starting writing this blog (in my brain)... except I kept going off on all these tangents. So now that I've forced myself to sit down and type, we'll see which story actually comes out.
About a week or so ago something happened. It was not anything big, but it created big waves in myself. Vague enough? Suffice it to say that I starting thinking about some things and resolved to stop thinking and start doing. Now, let me just point out that I am on a journey of sorts. It's a journey to a better me. One thing I realized early on was that I could only focus on one or two things at a time because there are wayyyyyyyy too many things I want to "fix" about myself to try to do it all at once.
So, back to my butterfly effect. I have resolved to really focus on two very important things:

1. Shut my mouth. Now, I will only admit this here, but I tend to be a bit of a gossip. Hear me out. I'm not THAT person, and it has taken me a very long time to realize (and admit) that what I do is actually gossip. I like to talk, and sometimes the content of my conversations is people. Innocent enough, right? Well.... no. End of story. Jesus wouldn't be happy being a part of some of my conversations.

2. Open my eyes. Weird, huh? Partially, this is literal. I need to open my eyes sometimes becuase I'm a total klutz. Maybe if I was looking where I was going.... I digress. My goal is to stop being so critical... to open my eyes to see people the way that Jesus would see them. Not as my annoying neighbor, but as the daughter that is hurting and alone, who desperately needs someone to keep her company and perhaps be the vehicle in which God can reach her.

So those have been my goals. After a wonderful end to the weekend (which, I feel is the most important part of the weekend - I'll expand more on that in another blog), it was Monday morning and I was ready to get back to work and keep working on those (because, as it stands, work is where I need the most improvement in those 2 areas).
The day began wonderfully and continued well - the sun was shinning, the kids were great, we gardened and played and sang and just had a great time. And then it happened. I'm not going to go into detail... but I did feel much discontent towards a particular person. Jesus didn't like how I felt...but, I have to say that it didn't last long! I dealt with it and moved on rather quickly. Yay me! Perhaps there is hope yet.
But then... (yes, there's a "but then") Tuesday morning I got to work and a few of us began simply discussing the previous days events. Aw crap, I'm such a liar. We gossiped about it.
I'm sorry Coworkerwhowillremainnameless.
I'm sorry Jesus.
I'm sorry WonderfulJessicawhoishidingsomewhereinsidemetryingtogetout.
I will do better. I promise.
I will also screw up. Please bear with me.

a glimpse

I just thought I'd stick some pictures up - most are of my dear lovely Beesley bunny. There are two of a little girl... they're my favorite pictures. I wish I could pursue photography.






Eye'm watching ewe!

Day of the Dead

My cousin Derick was buried today. I'm not sure what to do with that. It's not the first time I've buried a family member. My general thought on death is that it is simply a part of life. I understand being sad and missing a loved one, but I am comfortable with death. I have been to 5 funerals in my life, the first one I remember being when I was only 5. I've even spoken at a funeral. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that death is not a foreign or removed concept. I have never been as rocked by a death than I was on Tuesday morning. Late Monday night, Derick Thomas died. While 4-wheeling, his vehicle got stuck and while trying to free it, Derick was crushed. He was 17. In the middle of restoring a 1970 mustang, a month away from graduation and planning to go to culinary school. Not anymore.
It still doesn't seem very real to me. I wasn't too terribly close to him... I just keep remembering him as a small child. Now that small child is dead. werid.
It really is the unexpected deaths that hurt the most.

do i really have to title this?

Alright, so I am, admittedly overanalytical. That is who I am. I over think things ALL the time. I am also paranoid. For a few years now I have been trying out a new tacic - keeping my mouth shut. I find that when I don't share ALL of my thoughts, people like me better. Do with that what you will. Then blogging came along and I indulged. It is the perfect medium through which I can share all my thoughts. But I don't. Why? Well, partially out of laziness and partially because I don't want to be "that" blogger. Every once in a while I will put something out there and it will flop. It doesn't help that I have about 2 inconsistent readers. Maybe if I put some words in here that will lure people into my trap.. Hmmm what's big now?
President Bush?
Brittany Spears?
Sanjaya?
Border Control?
Virginia Tech Massacre?
The Wiggles?
Yoga?
Don't get me wrong, I do have something to say about each of those things... but I have gotten waaaaay off topic. I came here to talk about a trend I have noticed and can't help but wonder the ramifications.
So here it is: People have become incredibly private and very stingy with their company. Time has become a very precious commodity. I know many people who are trying to do right by their families. In order to form strong bonds between their children and themselves they cordon off their evenings and weekends for "family time." And I get it. When thinking about how I would manage my time when I have children, that is in fact one of the things I had thought about - using the evenings and weekends to spend time with each other. However, I can't help but wonder if that practice will prove detrimental to the next generation of society. We have seen a lot of the parents who do everything for their kids and give them whatever they want are rewarded by having full fleged adult children living with them for ever and ever.
My thought is that perhaps spending family time ONLY with family will not provide a model for social interaction. Sure there's school, but it's a whole different situation there. I am a home-body, but we spent a lot of time at other people's houses, and having other people to our house, so I know what to do. I remember learning at an early age what things were not appropriate when we had company or were out at a friend's house.
I have always felt like I had all these great ideas about how my family would be - and I still, do, but the more I really think about the long-term consequences, I have to really give kudos to the old school parents. There are a few things that still make me cringe a little, but I think they know a lot more than I've given them credit for.
Mom, Rick, if you've found your way over here, thanks! I really appreciate my upbringing. you done good.

thus endeth this web log entry

Bunny breakfast, Honey pants and Cake cuts

Nothing too exciting to report - just a few "funny" things that happened today.

This morning I was sitting down to watcch the news and eat my cereal (a scrumptious mix of rice pocket, honey nut toasted o's, fresh banana and strawberries) when out of her crazy morning zooming comes Beesley Bunny - all two pounds of fluff and frenzy. She hops right up and.... directly INTO my bowl. Milk, generic cereal and fresh fruit commensed flying across my lap, the chair, the floor - and out of this mess emerges a milk-soaked bunny, happy as can be. As angry as I wanted to be, the sight of her, sopping wet, but oh so pleased as she ferociously began cleaning herself was just too cute.

Then today at school I picked out a couple of books to read to the kids when we had our gathering, and then set them on a table while I greeted the children. I then proceeded to put one book on my lap as I read the other. Well, apparently SOMEONE didn't clean the table after having their tea, leaving globs of honey all over the table, which then got on the book and subsequently on my pants. Ew. Sticky pants all. day. long.

The other day Shaun and I splurged (doesn't that sound like such a naughty word?) on some fresh strawberries (who can pass up $3 for 2 cartons?) and angel food cake. As I tried to open the blasted plastic container the cake came in, I gave myself a nasy plastic-slice ... right across my index finger and it stings worse than any paper cut I've ever had!

comercials are weird

The Days Fly By

I can hardly believe it's been two weeks since I've blogged! And I thought I was doing so well at keeping up with this thing.
Oh well...
It's currently Sunday morning; there's freshly ground coffee brewing in the pot, a cute bunny zooming around my feet and a funny and wonderful husband by my side. What more could I possibly ask for? As much as I love going to church, it's just one of those days where I can sit here and feel God in my life....ahhh! (satisfied sigh, not a frustrated growl)

Last week was spring break; I only had to work a few hours in the morning all week, which was nice, since my sister-in-law was in town. She stayed with us for the week, which was different - not in a bad way at all... it's just that I'm not used to sharing all of everything, including my alone time, with anyone else. I never thought that being an only child affected (effected?) me much, or that I had (m)any only-child tendencies, but I'm finding more and more things about myself that probably stem from that experience. hmmm

I know there are a while bunch of things going on, but I'm going ot go soak up the lovin' here at home before we have to leave.

oh - go see Blades of Glory! It's pretty much mind-bottling!

Drugs = Funny

Funny man, Mitch Hedberg. Mostly due to the drugs, I'm sure - the same drugs that led to his early death. I don't condone drugs, but I sure do love the stupid humor that results.
For better or worse, here he is (well, sort of):

Potty Mouth

So I've been meaning to blog about this for a while... I recently (actually it's been a while, now) read somewhere - though I can't for the life of me remember where - that the majority of people in the US are scrunchers. That is, when preparing to wipe urine and/or fecal matter from their hoo-has and bum-bums they take a length of TP and scrunch it up into a ball. Now, can that really be true? Don't get me wrong, I've never been one to underestimate the stupidity of people, but come on?! It's not rocket science. Scrunched up toilet paper is directly correlated with feces-covered fingers. All those holes and such... Personally, I'm a folder. It's just superior for my anterior.

Anyhow... since we're on the subject, I've been slightly obsessed with poop lately. Mostly because my sweet bunny is afflicted with intestinal issues that require close attention to her stool (not to mention the incredible amount of it she creates!). That is to say, I have become somewhat of a fecal analyst. I should have business cards made. But I digress. In my endless google quest for information and insight into my new aquired pet's droppings, I came across this website: www.poopreport.com. Priceless.

I feel as though I've left something out.... Oh well.
Enjoy my "happy blog"

Addendum

Lovely word, by the way.

And, I'm in love with Naked Juice.

No end in sight

So, I have come to realize that I tend to blog only when I'm about to explode and have no other outlet for my anger/frustration/fillintheblank. I apologize to you, my million (or two) readers. Please understand that my disposition is not one of the Eyore ilk. I will do better. I will blog happy things. But not today - at least not right now.

I am at work. I want to die. I am not sure I will be able to make it through the day. (How's that for I-statements?) My only consolation is that somehow I survived the morning. I don't know how. I almost lost it. Part of it has to do with events that actually happened this morning, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am stressed. Plain and simple. I have been getting ill more often, I've had migrains (migrane?), I am not sleeping, I'm irritable... and I can't seem to do anything about it. I can't remember when it's been so invasive before. I've been stressed. But it's never been so overwhelming. Happy thoughts and hot baths and lots and lots of prayer are not easing my urges to squeeze the life out of something. Anything, really. My only respite from the stresses is Beesley the Bunny. And even then, I look at her and remember that there is some nasty parasite inside her body.
Anyhow, my biggest "beef" now is work. I am supposedly half way through my day, but honestly, there seems to be no end in sight.

Listen to me - I sound so pathetic. I suppose I am. Oh well. I am okay with that.
I just have one question:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

With that I will sign off. Happier thoughts to come later.

A Case of The Mondays....

It's Monday. Again. Not that Mondays are inherently bad. They're actually quite nice, usually - with the exception of having to get up early after a couple of days of sleeping in. This Monday, however, started even earlier than usual.
There was, of course, the fact that Daylight Savings began yesterday, thus robbing me of one entire hour of my life. But I was even doing okay with that. What I wasn't okay with was being awake at 1:32am! I tossed and turned and finally realized what was happening. I made it to the bathroom just in time. After about an hour, I realized Shaun was moving around an aweful lot... turns out neither of us had been sleeping for a while. So we did everything we could to try and get some sleep, but we were both so uncomfortable and irritable and just not happy to be awake! I waited until 6am when I knew my boss would be getting up to call and let her know I wouldn't be making it into work. Promptly after that call I fell asleep and was able to get four full hours of complete unconsciousness. Bliss!!! Shaun had the day off, as well, so we kinda bummed around for a bit before hitting the housework.
You see, we have a problem. We both hate to clean. However, we realize that things need to be done, so we begrudgingly clean... but on top of our hatred of the dreaded housework, we both work and by the time we get home are thoroughly pooped. We have just enough energy to play with our bunny and then zone out in the living room - either with the paper, a book, or the tv (more often than not, lately, it's been the tv - it takes less energy). I just thank dear Lord Jesus we don't have children!
Anyhow, while folding laundry, we popped in a movie (The Librarian? It's horrible - don't even think about it. We may have ended up watching about 25minutes of it, total). A few minutes later I got a call from the vet.

Now, last week, being the responsible pet owners we are, we took our recently aquired baby bunny to a rabbit-savvy vet to make sure everything was ok (and, being the overconcerned hypochondriac I am, I was convinced she had about a dozen different diseases). Except for Dr. W savagely mouth-raping dear Beesley (yes, i realize that it was perfectly normal - and necessary, but it just looked so painful), everything went fine. He kept some of her poo to do a fecal analysis in order to double check that everything was working properly on the inside. He was impressed at how much we already knew despite this being our first bunny and said that we were doing a great job with her. The fact that she made it this long alive (she was taken away from her mother WAAY too early) was impressive, and she would be just fine.
So we've been slowly giving her a little more freedom and just really enjoying her bunny antics.

Back to today and the phone call. The vet had called to tell us that the fecal analysis had come back and that Beesley has coccidia - a parasite in her intestines (I actually knew what this was, as it was one of the things I had been convinced she had when we first got her). So we had to go get some medication, and she actually takes it quite well. The thing that really sucked is that we had JUST cleaned out her cage on Saturday, but because of the whole parasite thing had to dump all the new bedding and food and water that we had just given her. humph
Lucky, it doesn't seem to be too bad, as she is showing virtually no symptoms, and should be completely gone by the end of her 10 day medication.
And, with the extra day have been able to get a little more of the housework done. Yay us!

I suppose that's a pretty complete update on what's going on here.
Oh, wait... not quite.

My Father.
January-ish 2005 (Not sure, exactly when this happened): Girlfriend moves in (the 1st one i've ever liked!)
Christmas 2005: Proposes to girlfriend
Summer-ish 2006: Moves into new house in new town with fiance
Christmas 2006: Hasn't spoken to said fiancee since Thanksgiving
February-ish 2007: I receive email from Dad's fiance saying they have finally set a date!! 7-7-07 Destination wedding somewhere warm and lovely (prob. Carribean) so prepare for wonderful vay-cay!
Early March 2007: Another email from fiance saying that my father has called off the wedding.

Seriously?!?!?!?!

Okay, now that's all.

Dear Church,

Please do not label me. Do not put me into one of your "categories" in order to "properly" minister to me. Yes, I am a Young Adult - I am just 2 years out of college and am still figuring out this whole adult thing. Yes, I am a Young Married. It's been just over a year and a half and again, I am still figuring out this whole wife thing. Yes, I am a woman. I DO have a vagina and wacked out emotions and I cry for no reason and I like feeling loved and I'm still sorting out the stupid hormonal thing. Yes, I am a "mature christian." I chose to follow Christ nearly 14 years ago... and I am still figuring this whole devoted life thing out. Yes, I am a teacher... I spend many days, evenings, and even weekends trying my darnest to be a good example and to learn from those little ones who have so many things to teach ME. And I'm still figuring that out. Yes, I am a 20 something. I still enjoy doing goofy weird, juvenile things. Yes, I am an old lady. I love Jeopardy and crossword puzzles and crocheting and Sudoku. Yes, I am a pet-owner. I have a precious bunny and she depends on me, and I love her with all my hear, yet I'm still tyring to figure her out. I am child-less. My life is not consumed by diapers and bottles and play-dates.
I am all of those things, and more. Yet, those things do not define me - or the person I strive to be. How can I learn to be a good mother, if for those who have been successful in that area? How can I become a better wife if I don't have the example and advice of a veteran married couple? How can I grow at all, when this box you've put me in is so small?
Please, take a note from Jesus's life, his ministry - meet me where I am, all of you - and let God speak to me through YOU.... through your life and trials and victories, your eyes and your heart, even if - ESPECIALLY if - you're not in the same place in your life as I am in mine. I need that from you. Christ set up this amazing way for FAMILIES of believers to be that support to each other. I need your support, not your label. I am trying to do that for you, as well. Please let me.
Thank You

The New Kid

I passed a billboard today and it kind of forcecd me to really think about where I am in my spiritual life. I had gotten to a point where I was really comfortable with my relationship with God and my attitude of service. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't perfect, and know that there were quite a few things that I needed to work on, but I was really growing and acknowledging my shortcomings and really ... i don't know. My point is that I'm not really there anymore. I was forced to be uprooted from a church family that, while dysfunctional (what family isn't?), I was finally feeling involved and accepted and all that. So I found a family with which I really seemed to fit, theoretically. But it's been pretty close to a year, and I don't feel any closer to anyone there than I did my first Sunday. Granted, I have missed quite a few weeks, especially lately. Most of my absenses have been completely legit - I've been sick a lot, as has Shaun, and we have been doing a lot more traveling... but there are times when I've just "accidentally" slept in, decided there wasn't much reason for me to be there... and other excuses that I used to think were such lame excuses! Shaun and I would spend that time studying on our own - and do well, but I still lack true fellowship and the ability to learn from others. I had just forgotten how difficult it is to be the new kid. Especially in such a tight knit group of people. Not that it is in any way anyone's fault but my own... I just feel so awkward. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone else knows what to do and where to go and what happened in X's family and just what to say to Y... small talk is even different among people who know eath other well. There's not that awkward grasping for some common ground.
I just need help. Prayers and thoughts and good wishes.
Would you do that for me?
Thanks (or Thanks anyway if you decide not to)

Coffee, Tea & Vanity

So the wonderful little chillins at work have discovered tea and coffee making. This means that every morning when class starts I have a 4 or 5 year old asking, neigh begging me, if they could make me tea or coffee (even fresh-squeezed orange juice sometimes). It's been nice - they even grind their own coffee beans and then use a french press so it's nice and fresh coffee! They serve it to me on the "tea table" in a CUTE little Starbucks tea cup and saucer with a small tray of cream and sugar. And for some reason, one of the things that HAS to be on the tray is a little hand mirror. I'm not sure what that has to do with having tea or coffee, but every time they set the table, that little mirror is there. Hmmm... do they know something I don't?

Sittin on the Dock of The Bay...

Sittin on the Dock of the Bay...
Okay, so I'm not really sittin on the dock of the bay, but I AM wasting time:
(and yes, Tab I kept some of your answers.... they fit)

The Strange Questions Survey

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work:
not direct tongue-on-cd action, but... well, sorta

What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you've dated:
Offially dated? about a year and a half

Ever been in a car wreck?:
yep

Were you popular in high school?
nah...

Are looks important?:
this question isn't very complete... I feel that the looks I give (and get from others) are important in how we communicate... and the look of my produce is also very important to me...

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more??:
10 years... 1997... since Jr.High? Sure, a few.

Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?:
depends on the person and his/her situation

"You and ME baby aint nothin but mammals, so lets do it it like they doit on the discovery channel"
ah, memories!

Have you ever made a mistake?
moi?

Are you a good tipper?:
i try. i think it's important.

What's the most you have spent for a haircut?
mmm maybe 15 bucks

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher:
yeah, unfortunately

Have you ever peed in public?:
in a bathroom...

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
probably not... or at least not for a long long long time.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?:
ooh, good question - probably a weird mixture of my favorite foods - watermelon, okra, pickles, oranges...

Beatles or Stones?:
beatles.

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?:
i can't even bring myself to be that mean. i mean, i my head i can think of some people, but then when it comes down to it, i think it would be devastating for their friends and family, so . . . no one.

Beer, wine or hard liquor?:
mojito!!!

Do you walk around the house naked?:
come on now... do you really want to know that information? Because I'm not sure I want you to

If you were an animal what would you be?:
Sea Otter?

Hair color you like on someone you're dating?:
dark

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
well, i'm already awfully klutzy, so blindness may just be the death of me. On the other hand, there are so many things I love hearing. How about I'll not choose, and then deal with whatever comes my way when it comes.

Do you have any special talents?:
i think i can cook okay?

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?:
usually look through the mail really quick before dashing to the bathroom

Do you like horror or comedy?:
yes, although i've been a little less keen on the horror and loving the comedy.

Are you missing anyone?:
yes! Carly and Nicole and Amanda and.... my family

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
john cusak or zach braff or frank sinatra or benny goodman

What did you dream last night?:
I don't remember all of it, but i was bar hopping with a bunch of girl friends and my grandpa met us at a bar and then went home with like, 3 20-something girls. it was weird

What is your favorite sport to watch?:
football

Are you named after anyone?:
i don't think so

Non alcoholic drink?:
OJ

Have you ever been in love?:
have been and am

Do you sing in the shower?:
when am i not singing? (don't confuse this with an ability to sing well)

Have you ever been arrested?:
nope

Would you ever get plastic surgery?:
nah.

Have you ever caught a fish?:
YES! i LOVE fishing!

Off-The-Wall Questions:

Family member you most resemble?
my mommy

Do you own your own Bible?
yes

Do you wear deodorant?
when i remember to put it on.

Do you clean up nice?
not really. what you see is what you get

Where was the last place you slept besides your home?
my father-in-law's couch

What are you listening to right now?
my husband telling me about all the stupid people at work

Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
I think i've been able to contain most of the fires i started

Ever run out of gas on the road?
nope

What would you rather do, rake the leaves, or mow the lawn?
mow the lawn

What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
some They Might Be Giants

Last time you swam in a pool?
ummm... probably the honeymoon

Have you ever been in a school play?
yep. The Secret Garden

How many kids do you want?
good question.

i don't know. maybe 2?

Type of music you dislike most?
not much...maybe some of that hard rap/nasty pop

Do you have cable?
no.

Ever prank call anybody?
yeah! i used to do it ALL the time

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
yeah, if i had the money

Do you have a garden?
well, we just moved so I haven't established anything here yet... but i'm totally stoked for springtime since we have a lot more yard!

Bath or Shower?
shower to clean, bath to relax

Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
Winter's Passing

Best pizza topping?
pep, olive and shroom

Popcorn or Peanuts?
kettle corn

Orange Juice or apple juice?
orange.

Chocolate Bar?
anything dark dark dark (pref. 65 - 75% cocao

When was the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
last summer @ work

Ever order anything from an infomercial?
I LOVE infomercials

Sprite or 7-Up?
Sprite. or ginger ale

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/school?
no way

Ever thrown up in public?
not unless you count the church bathroom

Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
finding true love with a millionaire would be nice

Believe in love at first sight?
nope

Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
ummm... I don't remember - either Grandpa Charlie or Grandma Grace

What do you think about most?
myself probably

Favorite form of travel?
any kind of travel as long as it gets me somewhere and i have fun doing it!

If you could have one magical power what would it be?
to move things with my mind. then my house would always be clean just by me thinking about it

SOME STRANGE QUESTIONS:

Something purple within 5 feet of you:
candle

The sexiest item of clothing you own:
uh - no thanks

Is your hair long enough to chew on:
yep

Least favorite color?
pink

Ever have Dippin' Dots?
yeah, weird

Ever play an instrument?
b flat and bass clarinet

Ever been to a palm reader?
no . . . but it would be interesting

Did you have a good weekend?
yes :)

How is today going for you?
better now that work is over

Any plans for tonight?
yeah, it's tv night - the office, scrubs and grey's anatomy

Ever photograph something that was dead?
dead rat. freshman o.

Are you ready for the holiday season?
if you mean the next holiday (valentine's day) . . . not really.

Ever given someone a full-body oil massage?
yes.

I'm back

Alright, so here I am! I'm all hooked up to the internet, sittin in our not-so-fancy but oh-so-comfy new chair... yes, life is good here.
Okay, so my last update post was in August, so here's a recap of the past few months.

September: I officially began my new position at work and I officially hated my job.

October: Well, honestly, I have a sneaking suspicion that most of October didn't actually happen. One day it was October 5th, and then it was Halloween.... weird.

November: We were REALLY busy at work - the kids were preparing for their Thanksgiving Feast (they cooked/prepared the entire meal - it was pretty awesome). For Thanksgiving we (Shaun and I) were invited to spend the weekend with some in-laws. About a week before we were to leave we found out that our Thanksgiving dinner would be eaten at Sizzler. Yes, Sizzler.
So... we head out Thursday morning so we can make sure to be at said in-laws house by the prearranged meeting time of 12:00 noon. We arrived in town at about 11:30am. Shaun was delivering some wood and had planned to meet his customer at a Safeway parking lot at 11:45. Since we were early, we stopped at in-law's house to say hi and all that..... except noone was home. So we went and sold the wood and then went back to in-law's house at 12:00. Still, noone home. And noone was answering their cell phones.... A little worried, and a little put off, we went to another in-law's house and kinda crashed their Thanksgiving... they were more than generous, even though we ended up not eating until 7pm. We finally got ahold of the people with whom we were supposed to have met at noon, and they told us that they had wanted to "beat the rush" and so went out without us.
hmmm

December: What a fantastic month this is! Fun work Christmas parties, deliciously cool weather, making homemade hot chocolate mix, making decorations for our christmas tree, and getting ALL of our christmas shopping done in one afternoon! In the interest of keeping this post not super long, I'll tell you about christmas later. It was great

And now here we are in January. I went back to work (which I discovered I no longer hate...I'm not sure when that happened, though) on Jan 2nd... then had Jan 8 off for my birthday... then it snowed that week! It was so beautiful and wonderful. Then it went away.... and then it snowed again!!!!!! and a LOT! Because Monday was MLKJ day, we ended up having Mon, Tue, Wed & Half of Thursday off, which was fantastic. Except when I got to work on Thursday.
I walked into our classroom and felt that something was different, but dismissed it as just not having been there for almost a week.
Well... I wasn't the only one who hadn't been there for that long - the lead teacher had forgotten all about the class birds. That's right - 2 dead birdies.
The kids were great... they buried the birdies and had a nice little funeral.

Well, now that I have internet at home I should be updating this more often so I'm just going to leave off here.
I hope that everyone has had a wonderful year thus far and I'll be seein' ya!

mindless babble

Yep, I'm still alive! It's snowing and beautiful in Portland... and I'm at work. We're on the Portland Public schedule for closures, PPS closed for the day, and we are open - make sense of that! Sheesh

So there was a little guy (about 4 yrs old) getting lined up to go outside. He then asked one of the (male) teachers, "don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?"
So funny and so incredibly sad all at the same time, though that's a rant for a blog that I actually have time for.