One of the most difficult parts of growing up, for me anyway, has been getting to know myself. There have been some changes since my younger days - some good, some not-so-good. And there have been some parts of me that I have simply had to come to terms with - things that wont change. For instance, as much as I hate it, I'm a crier. I don't LIKE it, and I will hide it from as many people as possible, but I cry. A lot. When something is sad, when something is happy, when I'm angry or hurt or confused or upset. When I'm reading, when I'm watching TV, when I'm listening to music, whenever, really. But, as usual, I digress. I have had a bit of a revelation. I am a bad girlfriend. This is something I have had issues with since I was quite young. My interests are not THAT different that most females... and I'm as connection-driven as the next estrogen-ated human. But for some reason I can't seem to hold on to any sort of friendship with another female. Now, this has had it's downfalls over the years, but I'm finding that as I age it's become a much bigger burden. Previously, I have taken my need for socialization and hung out with the guys. However, the older I get the less and less I am able to do this. As my male friends get married their interests and priorities change, understandably. In general it's difficult to maintain a co-ed friendship without the perception of "something more." It's difficult to maintain any sort of friendship, really. Women tend to be obsessed with weddings and babies and furniture and decor and ... all sorts of things revolving around those topics. The exception being my unmarried female acquaintances who have seemingly written me out of their lives because we apparently have nothing left in common. Now I know this is not true, but I have yet figured out how to effectively communicate this to my single friends.
I suppose what it all comes down to is that maintaining friendships takes a LOT of work... and I'm not very good at that. At any inclination of trouble/unhappiness I pull away, not wanting to be THAT person. Not having any siblings, I've never been forced to make a friendship work.
Don't misunderstand - I don't have any ill feelings towards women in general. There have been many wonderful females in my life over the years. I love and appreciate each and every one of them and thank God for the impact they have had on me and the great examples I have had in them. I just need to be better and sticking myself out there and not shy away quite so quickly/easily.
On a happier note, Shaun and I had a great Thanksgiving holiday in the Coos, complete with family, good food, movies, caching and laughter. I have many things to be thankful for and at this moment I am most thankful for my husband's ever expanding patience with me, and the fact that I have another full day before I have to head back to work.
Blessings to you all!
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9 comments:
I have had trouble with this very same thing. An added element for myself is being at a completely different stage of life than my peers. I tend to connect better with women who are a little older than myself. I am currently wishing that I had a best girlfriend like i did when i was a kid. I miss that connection. I think adam would really appreciate me having one as well!
Sarah - I tend to gravitate towards older women friends, too. It's just that everyone my age seems to be either poppin' out kids (or wishing they were) or out partying all night.... and that's NOT me. Well, kids wouldn't be bad, but it's not all I want to talk about. I consider myself a well-educated, semi well-read, slightly cultured individual and enjoy conversations that don't include butt-cream and/or bongs.
Man, Sarah... I wish we lived closer to each other!!!
I can relate. I gravitate to older women, too!
I'm afraid I might qualify as one of those "older women" to which you refer to (HA!). I totally resonate with your feelings as well. I long for the depth of female friendship that I had in my youth. As much as I even consciously take steps towards that end with peers, it doesn't seem to evolve as I would desire. I think this is a common issue for a lot of women - even us "older" ones!
Oh, hello, dear...
Nice, Allan. I married a class act. I have to spend so much time keeping him in line, it's no wonder that I can't maintain girl friendships!
HA! You two crack me up!
Is it weird that my "girly" qualities are the ones that keep me from girlfriends?
What do you mean by that last comment Jessica?
Kristi - well... I'm sure you've heard/noticed the way guys approach friendships and deal with confrontational issues - they tend to lay it all out, deal with it and then move on. Girls on the other hand (and this DEFINITELY includes me) tend to beat around the bush, try to anticipate what the other person wants to hear, and in general be way more "sensitive" and much less solution-oriented. I'm not sure I'm explaining this well... but anyway, it's that kind of "what do they think/want" mentality that tends to keep me from pursuing deeper friendships. How's that for confusing/complicated/wack-o? :o)
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