The New Kid

I passed a billboard today and it kind of forcecd me to really think about where I am in my spiritual life. I had gotten to a point where I was really comfortable with my relationship with God and my attitude of service. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't perfect, and know that there were quite a few things that I needed to work on, but I was really growing and acknowledging my shortcomings and really ... i don't know. My point is that I'm not really there anymore. I was forced to be uprooted from a church family that, while dysfunctional (what family isn't?), I was finally feeling involved and accepted and all that. So I found a family with which I really seemed to fit, theoretically. But it's been pretty close to a year, and I don't feel any closer to anyone there than I did my first Sunday. Granted, I have missed quite a few weeks, especially lately. Most of my absenses have been completely legit - I've been sick a lot, as has Shaun, and we have been doing a lot more traveling... but there are times when I've just "accidentally" slept in, decided there wasn't much reason for me to be there... and other excuses that I used to think were such lame excuses! Shaun and I would spend that time studying on our own - and do well, but I still lack true fellowship and the ability to learn from others. I had just forgotten how difficult it is to be the new kid. Especially in such a tight knit group of people. Not that it is in any way anyone's fault but my own... I just feel so awkward. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone else knows what to do and where to go and what happened in X's family and just what to say to Y... small talk is even different among people who know eath other well. There's not that awkward grasping for some common ground.
I just need help. Prayers and thoughts and good wishes.
Would you do that for me?
Thanks (or Thanks anyway if you decide not to)